Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Home Sweet Alaska - The Last Frontier

I grew up in eternal winter. Sledding September through March. I grew up in a city where, in July, it was once recorded to be 38 degrees. Fahrenheit. Where we get an average of 69.5 inches of snow a year. I grew up camping all summer long. Boating and fishing. Wearing sweatshirts in the summer, yes, but being up til 2, 3 a.m because it was still light out. I grew up with moose in my backyard often and bears digging through my garbage occasionally. I've eaten moose roasts and shot a gun and seen whales jump in the WILD. I've always had huge, gorgeous mountains surrounding me. Good hikes just a few miles away. It's beautiful, right out my window. I love it here. Winters are shit ...Difficult. Long. Dark. But my family is here. How can I leave this place?

How can I not?
I have dreams. And as much as I love my home state, can I accomplish them here? Can I be successful at good ole' University of Alaska Anchorage? Will I be able to build my character and person living in the same house as my lovely but pushy Mother? Is it possible for me to really become a woman here?
I wish. I hope. Maybe.
But most likely, I will end up stuck in loads of student debt so I can venture out and grow and become the me of my dreams. Most likely, I will leave this love-it-but-hate-it state and go somewhere with not enough snow and extremely hot (85 is hot...) summers. Somewhere I'll be scared out of my size 24 jeans in a new place with no one I know... But that's how it's going to happen. That's how I'm going to feel okay with studying abroad and changing the world and having a career I can travel the world with. That's how I'll meet someone equally as crazy and globally-minded as me, marrying him, eventually adopting kids from impoverished countries and raising them to be travelers and adventurers and explorers.
Because how can I ever hope to travel the world if I don't even want to leave the state for college? How can I ever raise little multi-cultural children to wander and discover if I'm scared to do it? I can't. So I have to face my fears. Physical, Mental, Financial. I have to face my fears and cry and be homesick until I'm amazing and cultured and experienced. Until all my friends wish they had gone out of state, too. (:

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