Tuesday, June 15, 2010

298 Days.

I'm 17 years old.
I know it will all work out.
Just, sometimes I wonder.
I wonder how on earth I can go from this to being a happy... woman.
To being a woman, period.

I'm 17 years old.
Some days, I want to grow up and be married and have a family and just be fabulously happy.

But I wonder, how on earth am I going to get there? How can I go from broken hearted, silly teenager to adult? How does that transition happen? How am I supposed to, in three or five or seven or however many years, have a husband and then eventually a family and do all these happy grown-up things and be on my own? how am I supposed to go to college and be responsible for my own bills and do all my own laundry and vacuuming and cooking?

I think it's easier if you have someone transitioning with you. For the girls bringing their serious boyfriend with them to college, for the person who has someone to help them through it. For the kid whose parents have their college fully paid for. For the people with the twin. But I'm just me, alone, by myself. And very soon, I'm going to be all grown up and facing the real world. Which terrifies me.

In 298 days, I'm going to be legally an adult. I'll be able to open my own blockbuster account and get my own place and go to strip clubs and buy my own plane tickets and claim NOT A DEPENDENT on my taxes and get a credit card. I just have no clue how to be an adult. I have no idea how I'm going to go from me, now, here... to grown up. Adult. Alone.

I'm 17 years old.
298 days til doom day.

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